As most people know, there are extroverts, ambiverts, and introverts. Extroverts are social and outgoing, introverts like to spend time alone, and ambiverts are in between the two. I’ve always been an introvert; as a child I often did not like to play with other kids. I liked to stay inside and read or watch TV. As I have grown older, I have learned to control these feelings because as an introvert in today’s society, you have to know how to “turn the switch”. However, here are some of the things I, and probably other introverts, struggle with.
- Overanalyzing
- This is a huge problem. I always overthink situations and feelings. I often try to predict outcomes and if the actual outcome isn’t the same as my predicted outcome – well that’s a problem. In terms of situations, if I’m going out with friends, I will attempt to predict what the night will look like, the people there, etc. I do this mostly because I need to know how much talking and socializing I will have to do. This way I can mentally prepare myself for the interactions I will have; I can plan conversations or what to do with certain people. This way (theoretically) there will be no awkward silences or anything like that. Another aspect to overanalyze is others’ feelings. I always read way too deep into something someone said and instead of just asking them about it, I fight with my brain about what their intentions were. Most of the time they are harmless, but the ONE time they aren’t is why I still do this. Do they secretly not like me? Am I here because they feel bad? Does he actually have feelings for me? My brain fires dozens of questions like this off before and after a social interaction. This causes me to either 1. have a war within my head for days/weeks/months until I figure it out or 2. scare them away because I begin asking serious questions way too early. Is it because I think we’re soulmates and I want to get married this instant? No. It’s because I want to know the “plan” of where this is going so that I can mentally and physically prepare myself. This overthinking can many times affect my social life, which leads me into the next thing on the list.
- Being “antisocial”
- I cannot tell you how many times people have told me that I’m “antisocial”, when I really am not. I enjoy going out, meeting new people, etc. IF and only IF I’m comfortable. Being an introvert, there are many ways to make me uncomfortable really fast. The quickest way is small talk. I absolutely despise small talk. It makes me so uninterested and that’s why I get called antisocial. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s that I don’t want to talk about the weather, sports, news, etc. I’d rather talk about why you like certain things, what inspires you, who has made the biggest impact in your life, etc. Being uninterested can sometimes come off as rude and that’s where the misconception can come in. Another reason why people think I’m antisocial is because sometimes I just straight up don’t feel like talking. It’s not you, nothing is wrong, I’m not upset, I just don’t feel like having a conversation. Is that so bad? Well, to a lot of people it is. Especially extroverted people. They want to know how your day was, what you did, etc. While I’m not necessarily opposed to these types of conversations, they often take a lot of energy because they fall under the “small talk” category which we all know, I despise. Once in a while I do like to know what you did at work or in class, however, if the conversation lasts more than 5 minutes and stays on that subject I will probably get bored and not respond. Not responding usually comes off as rude or that you don’t care but often times introverts either didn’t know what else to say or they thought the conversation was over. My family tells me all of the time that I “never respond” to them. If I don’t feel that your comment or text needed a response, I’m not going to respond. Unnecessary communication is something I avoid at all costs because It’s boring and it almost always ends with the word “okay” or “yeah”. Like how am I supposed to respond to that when I didn’t even initiate the conversation? *insert eye roll*
- We do our best work alone
- Introverts are known to often spend time alone. This is because conversation and social interaction physically and mentally drains us. It’s not because we don’t enjoy your company or we don’t like you, it’s that in order for us to be mentally centered we need to spend quality time alone. However, knowing that we work better alone but wanting to reach out is a huge struggle. Whether it’s doing homework, figuring out where you are in a relationship, or making a decision about the future, we really do our best work alone. We can analyze the situation, focus, and plan what to do next. Sometimes we do feel like reaching out, but we also recognize that it won’t help and we need to do this on our own. This can sometimes be a hard thought to process.
- Needing reassurance
- This topic can also be related to the overthinking idea. Often times introverts need to be reassured and comforted- physically and mentally. We like to know that you like our company, but understand we need our space. Verbally saying that you enjoy our company (or saying “you’re chill to hangout with”) or physically comforting us let’s us know that we can let our guard down and be comfortable. In more blunt terms, we want to know that it was worth leaving our comfortable bed. Needing reassurance however can sometimes come off as being “emotionally unstable” or “needy”. Constantly needing to be told “we want you to come” or “yes you were invited” can be annoying for others who don’t think twice about these things, which leads me into my final point.
- Others not understanding
- Many people really don’t understand introverts, but that’s not the problem. The problem is them not wanting or trying to understand. It’s also difficult for an introverted person to talk about their struggles (hence me doing it through a screen), especially to an extroverted person. Most of the time they simply just don’t understand. However, there is value in trying and offering support. An introverted person is much more likely to open up if you are patient, understanding, and if you ask questions. Normally people are afraid to ask questions, but we appreciate you trying to understand. Again, it’s easier for us to hold a conversation if we’re being asked important questions such as “did that upset you?” versus “how’s the weather down there?” (short people will understand). The best way to connect to an introvert, or anyone for that matter, is just to show you care.
Thanks for reading!
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